Have you ever decided to start a new habit or routine only to discover within weeks, or days, or maybe even hours that you had completely forgotten about it? Ever wonder why? Well, that’s what I’m going to share with you in this video.
I will explain:
- the source of the resistance,
- why we get stuck or stop trying to make positive changes, and
- how we create an inner dialogue to bring understanding, empathy, and healing to ourselves.
Hi, have you ever decided to start a new habit or routine only to discover within weeks, or days, or maybe even hours that you had completely forgotten about it? Ever wonder why? Well, that’s what I’m going to share with you in this video.
I’m Doyle Banks, I’m a Professional and Personal Transformation Life Coach. And thank you for stopping to watch.
Generally speaking, pretty much all of us want to be better versions of ourselves. There’s at least one area of our lives that we want to work on and improve. And I bet that’s true for you.
For example, probably some of you watching want to do better at work and maybe improve your skillset and work at getting a promotion or a raise. So maybe you sit down and you work out a plan. You’re going to take a course. You find some online tutorials that you can watch. You get a list of books, maybe even go out and buy them or get them from the library and have them all ready to start reading.
And you dig in for the first week, two weeks, maybe even three weeks. Then you find that you start missing classes, or you’re not keeping up with the read like you had planned. Next thing you know, you’re not doing any of those things that you had originally planned!
Well it’s okay. There’s a reason for it and a way to turn that around that I’m going to share with you in this video.
When this happens with my clients, I get curious because I almost always discover there’s some part of them that doesn’t want to change, no matter how good the change might be for them.
So I use the analogy with them of driving the inner bus.
And what we discover is that that resistant part has taken over the bus and is sitting in the driver’s seat, calling the directions and steering the thing in directions that the adult version or the current version of the person does not want to go. In fact, they’re convinced that their adult self, their current self is in charge, but they just can’t figure out why they’re stuck or why they’re going the opposite direction of where they had intended to go!
We can actually create a dialogue then with that resistant part of themselves to create some healing and understanding and put the current or adult version of the client back in the driver’s seat.
Let me give you a little example, a fictitious example.
Let’s say I have a client named John and John has come to me. He wants some help getting himself back into good physical shape and to be able to more easily attract dates. And he wants to avoid that crummy feeling, that frustration he has whenever he goes to put on a pair of pants that he spent a lot of money for, and the pants don’t fit anymore because he’s gained so much weight.
So we go to work. We lay out a plan for nutrition, for exercise and things are going along for a month or so. Then, John starts missing days going to the gym. He starts reporting that he’s eating junk food again and snacking a lot, so has abandoned his nutrition plan.
When we dig in, we discover that there’s a 19 year old, younger John who has taken over the bus, who’s in the driver’s seat and about ready to crash the bus. By dialoguing with younger John, we find out that he was in great shape at the age of 19 and could easily get as many dates as he wanted. He found somebody special, fell in love, and then guess what happened? The other person fell in love with somebody else, broke off the relationship, and broke younger John’s heart.
So younger John has taken over the bus because he doesn’t want older, or current-day John, adult John, to get his heart broken.
So we create a dialogue between the two of them in which they can really understand each other, come to some agreement about how to go forward and work together to help present day John get in shape like he wants to, and also to develop some emotional maturity to be able to create a better, more trusting relationship whenever he finds the right partner.
Now, let me ask you, what’s some area of your life, something that you want to improve, that you find yourself resisting?
Imagine that you get in touch with the part of yourself that is resisting, that has taken over the bus and you’re able to dialogue with that part, figure out why it is that that part of you is resisting and bring some healing to that part of you, and then work together. We call it integrating that part with your current-day self and get moving forward again, put you your adult self back into the driver’s seat and get going in the direction you want to go again in your life.
Now imagine out into the future. It could be weeks or months. Doesn’t matter really how long it takes, as long as you’re going in the direction you want to go. You’re making forward movement and you get there.
So, maybe like John, you want to get in better physical shape. So just close your eyes for a moment and imagine out some months from now. You have followed your nutrition plan. You have followed your exercise plan and you’re in really good shape. You can go out and dance all night long if you want to, Or you can get in your garden and do all of the digging and lifting and things that gardening entails. And you don’t have a sore back for days afterwards, and you’re not exhausted for days afterwards.
Or let’s imagine that you have decided you want to become a better parent. And so you’ve done whatever work you chose to do to improve your parenting. And now you’re out several months, looking back and you realize that now you’re the great parent you already were. And you’re enjoying the beautiful, wonderful laughter and joy that you share with your children.
Let’s go to the work example. Imagine that you’ve set a goal of improving your skills and maybe going for that promotion or that raise. And now you’re out in your future self and you’ve accomplished the goal. You’ve improved your skills. You have gotten the promotion and the raise! Imagine the satisfaction you have from receiving that acknowledgement and the joy that you feel and the self respect that you feel when you get up and look at yourself in the mirror each morning. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
I’d love to hear what it is in your life that you want to work on and improve. And if you’re willing, share where your resistance is, share what happens when that resistance comes up for you, share it in the comments below and please like, or share this video, if you have found it helpful.
Thank you for watching.
I’m Doyle Banks, and I send you wishes for Peace and Joy.
I’ll see you soon in another video.