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MindfulnessNonviolencePersonal Development & GrowthSelf-Empathy

Mad At Yourself? Try These Mindfulness Moves: Part 1 – 4

By March 13, 2022No Comments

FULL TRANSCRIPT – PART 1

Hey, do you ever get mad at yourself? I mean like really, really mad?

Well, if you do, and you’re tired of feeling that way, watch this video, I’m going to share a mindfulness move with you that will help you calm down and think straight, faster.

I’m Doyle Banks and I used to get so angry at myself until I learned how to do this mindfulness move to calm myself down. The move is simply this…

As soon as you get the first inkling that you’re getting angry, stop, take three to five deep belly breaths and make your exhale twice as long as you’re inhale. Let me demonstrate it for you.

I like to count to three as I inhale, then count to six as I exhale. I’ll use my fingers to demonstrate.

Breathing in…[Doyle counts to 3 with his fingers]

Breathing out…[Doyle counts to 6 with his fingers].

Simple as that!

Do that three to five times, and I promise you, you will calm down and think straight faster.

All right. If you like this and find it helpful, please leave a comment below, share it with your family and friends and take a look around the page here. I have some other videos to share with you, or visit my website at https://doylebanks.com.

I appreciate you watching.

Take care. I wish you Peace and Joy.

FULL TRANSCRIPT – PART 2

Hey, if you’re like I used to be and you find yourself getting really angry at yourself and you don’t like that feeling, check out this mindfulness move that I’m going to share with you in this video.

I’m Doyle Banks and I used to get so angry at myself so often until I started learning some mindfulness practices. What I want to share with you today is what I call, “Notice It and Name It,” notice it and name it.

So, as soon as you first get that flush of anger, or you first notice yourself maybe clenching your fists, or however it shows up, pay attention to, or notice where it shows up in your body. Maybe you clinch your fists, or maybe your shoulders get hunched up and tight? Maybe your face scowls and creates a big frown, or maybe get a huge knot in your gut? Whatever it is, notice that, being mindful of it all right?

Just turning your attention to the physical sensation will help stop the cycle of the anger. Then, as you dial in on the feeling, ask yourself, what is it like? What are the qualities? Does it have a color? You hear the phrase sometimes, “I was so angry I saw red,” right? So does it have a color for you or does it have a size? Does it get huge and fill up the room? Does it have a texture, or a weight, or a density? In other words, just tune into that physical sensation. So notice it.

Then, name it. right? As simple as just saying to yourself, or you could say it out loud, you don’t have to scream it or scream it at anybody, but just, “I’m angry. I am angry.” And by naming it, that turns on the prefrontal cortex, the logical thinking part of our brain and sends calming chemicals back to that reflexive, reptilian, fight-flight-freeze part of our brain.

So notice it. Where does it show up in your body? How does it feel? What are the qualities of it? And then name it. Just, “I am feeling so angry right now.” And again, you don’t have to shout it at anybody or shout it at yourself. Just simply name it.

All right. That’s the mindfulness move number two that I wanted to share with you. I hope it’s helpful. If it is, please leave a comment, share this with your family and friends and take a look around the page here. I have some other videos
that might be of interest to you.

Again, I’m Doyle Banks. I wish you Peace and Joy. Thanks for watching!

FULL TRANSCRIPT – PART 3

Hey, if you find yourself getting angry with yourself and you’re tired of feeling that way, I have a third mindfulness move to share with you in this video.

I’m Doyle Banks. I’m a life coach and I’ve learned how to deal with anger that I’ve felt toward myself over the years with various mindfulness moves. I’ve shared two others with you in previous videos. If you haven’t seen those look around here on the page and you can find them.

Today, I want to share with you how to offer yourself empathy, how to do the skill of self-empathy. Now, I learned this from the late Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. His book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, was a life-changer for me.

So, self-empathy is basically tuning in as soon as we feel the anger, noticing it, naming it, like I shared with you in the previous video, and then asking ourselves what’s underneath the anger, right?

The anger is sort of a top-layer feeling, if you will. And there’s always some other feeling down underneath that.

Dr. Rosenberg used the analogy of the warning light on the dashboard of your car. You don’t just ignore it and keep driving. You pull over, or you get to somewhere where you can open up the hood and look and see what’s going on. Right?

Same thing here with our anger. We want to pause, go and open up the hood of our emotions to find out what is underneath the anger. Then name those feelings.

Often, it’s something like sadness, or it can be fear. Now, it can be other things as well, but in working with my clients and students, those are the two most common feelings that are sitting there underneath the anger.

When you get in touch with that, then ask yourself, what is that fear, or what is that sadness telling me that I’m needing or wanting right now, that I I’m not experiencing, that I don’t have? It could be something like friendship, companionship, respect. It could be any number of things that you are really needing.

What you’ll find is that when you get in touch with that need, you’ll soften. That anger will soften and begin to dissipate. Then you can think and get creative in your thinking about, “Okay, okay. How can I find some friendship? Or how can I get that need for safety met?” Or whatever the need is.

If you are not sure about doing this for yourself, find a friend, or a family member, someone who is willing to listen to you deeply and reflect back what they hear you saying that you’re feeling and needing. Hearing the words come back to us, especially when we’re really agitated and upset, can also have a calming effect and it can engage our logical brains so that we calm down and we can come up with some creative strategies for how to take care of ourselves.

So, mindfulness move number three: self-empathy.

I hope this has been helpful. If it has been, if you’ve enjoyed these videos on mindfulness moves for dealing with being angry at yourself, please leave a comment. Share it with your family and friends. And look around for some of the other videos here on the page that I’ve provided for you. Or, visit my website at doylebanks.com.

Thank you so much. I wish you Peace and Joy. Take good care.

FULL TRANSCRIPT – PART 4

Hey, do you ever get angry at yourself? I mean, really angry and you get tired of feeling that way? Well, I want to help you understand what’s going on with that anger. So today, I want to share with you about the two-headed monster of self-anger, anger that we direct at ourselves.

I’m Doyle Banks. I’m a life coach, and I have had to spend many, many years and dollars and hours learning how to stop feeling so angry at myself, even to the point of hating myself at times. And one of the things that really helped me was coming to understand what I call this two-headed monster.

One head is BLAME. I don’t know about you, but especially when I was younger, I had grown up with this habit, this tendency to blame myself for everything! And I got really, really good at blaming myself. What I realized as I started breaking down this anger habit I had, was that I was blaming my myself because I locked in on some kind of “should“.

Maybe I thought I should be doing something that I wasn’t doing, or I should not be doing something that I was doing. And it would just snowball and the anger would get bigger and bigger and just consume me. So, blame.

If you’re feeling angry, stop, take a few deep belly breaths, get yourself calmed down a little bit and ask yourself, what am I blaming myself for? And when you find it, let it go, forgive yourself. Find a way to release it. Maybe through some deep breathing, talking with somebody, or whatever way you can to get out of that trap of blaming yourself.

The second head of the two-headed monster is SHAME.

BrenĂ© Brown said that, “Shame is that warm feeling, that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.” Does that sound like how you feel at times? I know it describes so well how I used to feel so much of the time about myself.

“Shame is that warm feeling, that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.”

~ Brené Brown

So, one of the ways that we can break through or break down that shame, again, comes back to self-forgiveness.

Or, we can offer ourselves empathy. Empathy is a skill we can learn to tune into our feelings and then get underneath those feelings to find out what need, what longing, what desire is there, that is unfulfilled, is not being met in the moment in the, in the situation. And then see if we can come up with some creative strategies to get that need, or those needs met in healthy ways.

If you don’t know how to give yourself empathy, find a friend, or you could family member, hire a coach, go to a therapist, find somebody who knows how to listen deeply and reflect back to you what you’re saying about your feelings and your needs. Somebody who can do that well is such a gift and will help you break through that cycle of anger, blame, and shame, and help you live a happier, healthier life.

All right? So be on the lookout. When that anger comes up, be on the lookout for that two-headed monster of blame and shame, and I wish you all the best with finding peace and joy, creating peace and joy in your life!

Thanks so much for watching.

I’m Doyle Banks.

Take care, and I wish you Peace and Joy.

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