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To conclude the theme of Couples’ Appreciation Month, I will share some thoughts about how we can level-up the quality of our relationships by bringing grace and graciousness back into them. While the context of this video is about marriage, these qualities of mind and heart are needed in every relationship.

WARNING: You might find out that you are not as considerate, thoughtful, or generous as you thought you were. But, take that risk and if that’s true about you, well, you have the chance to make some positive changes that can bring you and your partner closer and make you both so much happier.


Hi, I’m Doyle Banks.

In this video, I’m finishing off a series I’ve been doing on couple’s appreciation. I’m recording this during the month of April and April is known as Couple’s Appreciation Month. So, I’ve been focusing on sharing some ideas and ideas of others about how, when we are in partnership, that is, romantic, intimate relationships, how we can show more appreciation for each other.

In this video, I want to share with you some thoughts on a quality, or two qualities, of heart and mind that in my estimation, it seems like we all could use a lot more of in our lives and specifically in our intimate relationships. Those two qualities are grace and graciousness. Now they sound the same because they come from the same root word, but I think of grace or define grace as being considerate and thoughtful of others. And then graciousness, I define as having an attitude of generosity. And so I wanted to talk about that in the context of our intimate couple’s relationships.

When we think about grace as being considerate and thoughtful, a lot of us would say, “Oh, well, of course I’m thoughtful and considerate of my spouse or my significant other.” And I’m sure in lots of ways, we all are. At the same time, when I look around at what’s happening in our culture these days, and in our political-social environment, I see so much lack of consideration, such lack of thoughtfulness as human beings toward one another. And I can’t help but think that that seeps into our homes and into our bedrooms, if you will, in terms of how we relate to each other, you know, when no one else is looking.

Am I as considerate of my beloved as I could be?
Am I as thoughtful, moment to moment, day to day as I could be?

So what I invite you to think about and maybe talk over with your spouse is, “Am I as considerate of my beloved as I could be? Am I as thoughtful, moment to moment, day to day as I could be? Do they know it? Do I demonstrate it in a way that it lands? And they actually do realize that I’m being thoughtful and considerate? Or is it just something I’m imagining or that I think I’m doing, but it’s, it’s not coming through in terms of graciousness, having a generosity of spirit?”

I think sometimes as we’re going through our day-to-day lives and just dealing with all the stuff of life, you know, the refrigerator breaks down, or there’s a flat tire on the car, or there’s a deadline at work to be met and I’m going to have to work sixty hours this week to get the project done on time and all of that kind of stuff, I think sometimes we can kind of close down or close in and shrink back from our generosity.

We maybe develop this mindset of lack, right? I don’t have time. I don’t have energy, et cetera. And so we close ourselves off from the reservoir of generosity inside of ourselves, We may close ourselves off from communicating that and offering that out to our partners, particularly when we’re feeling stressed and overburdened with life.

I would like to offer three things for you to think about in this coming week and maybe sit down and discuss them with your partner and do some brainstorming with yourself on how you could become more gracious and demonstrate more grace, more consideration and thoughtfulness in your relationship.

The first suggestion I’d like to make is to sit down and take an honest inventory of yourself in terms of, or in this framework of grace and graciousness. Are you as good as you think you are? Or are there areas where you could improve? Are there ways you could level-up your game, so to speak, and offer more grace and graciousness to your partner? If it would help, make a list of some ideas of how you can improve in that area.

Secondly, think about, “How do I want to be treated in terms of, in the framework of grace and graciousness? How do I want my a partner or just other human beings in general, to treat me with respect to grace that is that thoughtfulness and consideration and gracious generosity of heart?” Then check that against your list that you made in question number one. How are you measuring up? Are you being as gracious and as grace-filled as you want others and particularly your partner, your spouse, to be toward you? If not, don’t beat yourself up. There’s no reason to go into shame and blame, but make a resolution with yourself to do better, to work at becoming a better human being in those regards.

Are you being as gracious and as grace-filled as you want others and particularly your partner, your spouse, to be toward you?

Thirdly, and finally, slow down and make space in your life for generous, considerate, thoughtful, thinking, acting, and behaving toward your partner and toward yourself.

A lot of times, we’re not very gracious with ourselves and we don’t offer much thoughtfulness and consideration to our own selves. And as the late Wayne Dyer often used to say, “We can’t give away what we don’t have.” So if we’re not building up a reservoir of grace and graciousness inside of our own hearts and minds toward ourselves, it’s going to be more challenging to find those reserves, those resources, especially, as I mentioned before, when we find ourselves overwhelmed and stressed out with life. It’s going to be harder to tap into that and offer that to our loved ones, particularly our spouses.

Make a resolution to slow down and really think about what you’re thinking. It might sound kind of funny, but take a look at, be aware of, be mindful of what are your thought patterns as you go through your day, specifically in the context of this recording? What are your thought pattern in regards to your spouse and your relationship?

Then think about how you talk to your spouse, especially when you’re stressed and overwhelmed. Are you able to open up, loosen up, relax and allow room, allow space for grace and graciousness to be present, to bring that forward in your relationship?

And then how do you behave? Which is similar to the idea of how we think and act. But, what do you do to demonstrate grace and graciousness in your day-to-day life with your spouse? And again, most particularly when you’re are stressed out, when you’re overwhelmed, worried, and full of anxiousness, full of anxiety, about a situation in your life or life in general?


Think about how you are doing in terms of your own expression of thoughtfulness and consideration your own generosity of heart.

Think about how you want that to come to you and then check, “All right, am I living, am I demonstrating those qualities in at least to this same degree, if not more than what I want to receive?”

Thirdly, can I slow down my thinking, my speaking, my behaviors, and open up space for giving grace, consideration, thoughtfulness and being generous to my beloved?

That’s what I wanted to share with you in this video. I really appreciate your kind attention.

I send you my sincere wishes for peace and joy. We all sure need more of that these days in our lives. And I hope that that will flow into your life with abundance.

Take good care, and I’ll see you soon in another video.

Are You Ready To Revitalize Your Relationship?

If you’re thinking that it may be time for you and your S.O. (Significant Other) to breathe some new energy into your relationship, you are in luck!

I am accepting new clients and would LOVE to gift the two of you with one of my “Revitalize Your Marriage Discovery Sessions.” It is my gift to you and to your relationship.

We will meet for an hour. You’ll talk. I’ll listen (except for when I’m asking some questions).

Together, we’ll figure out some steps the two of you can take to put some spark back into your marriage partnership.

If you enjoy the session and you’re interested in working with me, we can talk about that in a no-pressure manner. Then, we can decide if we want to do some relationship coaching work together.

OR, we can decide it’s not a fit, or not the right time, and simply bring the session to a close.

Easy peezy.

To schedule a “Revitalize Your Marriage Discovery Session”, click the “Schedule Now” button, pick your date and time, then I’ll see you in the session!

Thanks and I look forward to meeting you and your beloved soon!!


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